Hi Guys,
Admit it, most of you often worrying about little thing in life. For example when suddenly it rains and ruins your plan, maybe some of you will be cranky all day long. Yeah, something like that. But I’m gonna focused this post on one thing. LOVE.
This post is totally my humble opinion, from what I see, I know, and I feel. Everyone inspires me. Because they have their own love story as well as action for this thing. And we’re all unique! There is no such thing as right or wrong in a love story. Because there is no standard of feeling. But the one thing you should learn is how to make a comfortable situation. Love is a happy feeling. If you don’t feel happy, then you’re not feeling love. And happy makes us comfortable. When you’re in love with someone, you’ll see her/his weaknesses as her/his strength. You won’t be bothered of her/his annoying habit. So does she/he. Vice versa. Love is about comfortableness.
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Hi Guys,
“I’m not a princess. This ain’t a fairytale………”
- Taylor Swift - White Horse
Here is another random thing came up to my mind. Happiest Story, The Best One. By that title, I’d like to share another random thought of mine. I’ve met a lot of people in my life. Some are angels, some are demons. It depends on how we define them.
Happiest Story, The Best One. I’ve met a man. He’s such a great man for me. At the first time, many people told me that he was a bad man. I didn’t believe them. I believed in what I felt, what I got and what I saw. And I believed him. When I heard some rumors about him, I always confirmed whether it was true or not to him. I knew he always said the truth to me. And I always tried to believe him.
Happiest Story, The Best One. Spending time with him was such a blessed for me. I knew in some things, we had different thoughts. Sometimes we fought even. But I knew he loved me. I did love him, too. Unfortunately, what I was afraid of really did happen. Everything suddenly turned black (again). Fortunately, I had already prepared for the worst. I didn’t know, but I knew one day this situation would come.
Happiest Story, The Best One. I never regret of knowing him, having a sweet memory with him, or dreaming about him. Although I’m not his best one. However, I don’t regret anything. I thank God because I had him once in my life. He’s such a great man for me.
Happiest Story, The Best One. He’s a great man for me. With every weaknesses he has, I still love him. Although we often fought or had different thought, I still love him. Even I know I’m not that perfect for him. Sometimes, I thought that maybe I supposed to stop from the first time. I should have known who I was and who he was. I should have realized that I was not for him.
Happiest Story, The Best One. And this is the end. The happy story of me ends here. Not because of us, but because of the universe. They don’t want us to be together. I’m fine with it. I had known from the first time, I just didn’t realize it at that time. How pity I am. He deserves better situations. He deserves better in everything, and he can reach it without me. Finally, he can fly. Finally, he can focus on his dreams. Finally he can release a big burden in his life. Finally he is free without me.
Happiest Story, The Best One. Finally I can let him be happier. Although I am suffered.
~ Cheers
*thank you so much for my beloved bestfriend, @Tyarabuffon :)
Last weekend was very hard for me. Much bad thing happens and blend into messy feeling. It actually started a week ago, or maybe long before that, when I had bad feeling to my boy. I love him, but I feel like everything became barrier for us. I have prayed to God, I asked God to show me what I’m supposed to do with him. I love him but I know I never can balance him. He is too handsome, too smart and too rich for me. So much different from my family. I’m ashamed of him. I know I’m too stupid for him. That’s why I was dilemma. Should I break him up or not. Neither because I didn’t love him nor I doubted his love for me. No, not because of that. But it’s all about my family and my entire life. I never can balance him. I’m not beautiful, I’m not smart, and I’m not rich. I’m afraid I can’t be a girl he can be proud of. I’m afraid he had high expectation that I can’t reach it. I don’t know what his expectation to me. I don’t know how I am look like in his eyes. Because he never said anything to me. He just said that he loves me. And then he told me his future dreams, so sad that he said nothing about me in his future plans. I still don’t know yet what is his plan for us. Us, not me and you. Us. He has not talked about it yet. I’m waiting for that time. Because it matters for me, it relates to my future as well. I already has future plans of course, but I want to include him on it. I believe there will be a time for that. I just have to be more patient, more than ever.
Then this weekend came. When I was in the middle of a great dilemma, I decided to break my boy up. We had fight yesterday, because of my foolness. Then I thought it’s better for him to find another girl who can balance him. Not because I don’t love him, it’s because I don’t want to make him angry all the time because of me. I want to make him happy. Thought I’m not the person who can make it happens. So I decided to break him up. He just said “up to me”. I don’t know what that means. Did it mean he doesn’t care about me anymore? Or he left it up to me because he wants to make me feel better? Or what? I don’t know. I don’t know and I didn’t get the answer. Because just after I break him up, my dad and I got a trouble in police station. I was very confused at that time. I was so sad, I was so angry to everyone. And then I called my boy. He catched us up right after his office hour. Then he helped my dad and I find win-win solution with those people.
After that, my family and my boy went my home and talked about another thing. Business. So my boy had a plan with his friend to have a business. The last 2 weeks they were looking for a land and thought what business they can make on it. My dad has 2000 m2 land in Bekasi. He planned to develop a cluster residence but facing budget constrained. My mom wanted my boy assist my dad to handle it, so my boy could take care my dad of everything. I agreed with my mom. So this morning my boy and his friend had conversation to my dad about their business proposal. And this noon we went to the land and I let my boy and his friend discussed about everything.
My boy was my hero this weekend. I don’t know what could be happened if there is no my boy. This weekend means a lot to me. The most important part is my boy knows my family better. On one side, I’m happy. On the other hand, I’m ashamed. The more my boy know my family, the more my trauma show up. How if my boy loses his feeling to my family? How if he thinks my family is too stupid for him (which is maybe true)? How if he hates my family after everything? How if? How if? And how if? Well there are many questions in my head. I also ask God, what does everything mean? Why right after I decided to break him up, when I was so sure about my decision, God sent my boy to help resolving my family’s problem? What does that mean? At that time I feel like God showed me that my boy is the person whom I need the most right now. I prayed to God to make me sure what choice I have to choose. Is it the way God give me the answer? Is it the best answer? I’m always afraid of risk that I have to take. And guess what, I cancel my statement that I wanted to break up. I asked my boy about everything. And he’s a little angry because he thinks I doubt his love for me. Well in the fact not that thing I doubted. I doubted about how he looks my family. Again, it matters for me. I remember the last time I had a boy before now. We were almost married, but sadly we had to break up because of family things. I’m scared that thing will happen again with my recent boy. That is still a big question for me.
So I thought about everything that happened in this weekend. I realized my boy and I are a lover. I doubted so much about our future. I’m too much afraid my past experienced will happen again. I’m scared I will be hurted again. I need my boy to calm me down. Everytime I asked whether he loves me or not, he’s got angry, he thought I doubt him. But actually not. Sometimes girls just need to listen “I love you” words romantically, directly from his boy. Just to make girls happy, and give more love to their boys. That’s all actually. Not because I doubt my boy’s love for me. I love him and I know he loves me as well. I just need him to say it. After everything, I have decided to give him more love. You see, only two days could make me change my mind. Last weekend was so mean to me. Only two days could make me sure what decision I have to choose. Make him more sure that I’m the best girl who will be his future wife. And of course, to make him love me more everyday. I love you, baby.
~ Cheers
